Do you think it’s important for your partner to be present during childbirth?

Some women say men are useless in this situation. Others say they’re crucial. And the men themselves don’t know what to think. Is it important for your partner to be there for the birth of your child?.. Some men might be scared of biting Lolzz.. Ok see some interviews from some mothers...


 MUMS, how would you feel about your partner not being there for the birth of your child?

Rumors were circling last week that high profile NRL star James Tamou would miss the birth of his second child because he was playing footy. His partner says that’s not true.

But the keyboard warriors criticized Tamou for being selfish and neglecting his wife. It sparked a conversation about whether or not it’s crucial for the bloke to be there for the birth of your child.

We spoke to two Aussie mums about their childbirth experiences and asked them if having their partners present in the delivery room was important to them. Their answers might surprise you.

According to Dee who is a Sydney based mother of 2: “It was really important for me that my partner be there at the birth. And he was, but he was useless.

We were engaged but had ended our relationship when I found out I was pregnant. After that we ended up getting married and staying together for four years.

The way he acted when our son was born was atrocious. It was very traumatic. I never did get over it. I suppose I should have seen it coming. During the pregnancy we had two ultrasounds and he never came to them.

During the actual birth he spent the entire time watching TV. It was 2005 and the Sydney Swans won their first grand final AFL match in many years. He was so engrossed in watching the game on the TV inside the delivery suite that he barely noticed anything else going on. He’s not an avid AFL fan or anything. It was just on.

I was induced, but despite that, it turned out to be quite a traumatic. The inducement drugs didn’t go to plan. They upped them enormously and my body reacted badly. So things did not go well. The only time he left the room was when I had the epidural because he was so disturbed by it.

When the baby started to come out and he was still watching the TV, the obstetrician grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. He was dead silent. He just switched it off and dumped the remote on the bed.

In a humorous twist, when [my ex-husband] turned the TV back on the game was over and the Swans had won and he had missed the end of the game. I took a small amount of pleasure in watching that.

After the birth he said he was so tired he had to go home and “get some sleep”. We had a double suite in the hospital, he could have slept there. The next day I wanted him to help me have a shower but he was actually too hung-over to come in. I honestly never got over it.

It was the beginning of the end. The marriage ended because he was not a very good father. He took a week of paternity leave and the first thing he did was go to the video shop and hire a bunch of video games.

It was the beginning sign of what an incredibly uninterested parent he became. And I’ve never really forgiven him at all. He goes through periods of having contact with the kids and not. He gets on well with them but he’s not overly interested. I’ve just grown used to it though; we’ve been separated for six years now. It’s always heartbreaking to think the person you had kids with isn’t interested in them, but it is what it is.”

According To ALECIA STAINS: Alecia teaches ante natal classes in Toowoomba, Queensland and has two children. Alecia says only Dads who are prepared should be there in the delivery suite.

“I definitely think dads should be there, but they need to be prepared. If they don’t know how to support the woman or if they’re scared, then there’s no point.

Men just need to grow a pair. Men who are well educated and supported should be there, because they’re really good and helpful.

I teach ante natal classes and I find that dads who are well prepared are awesome. But I’ll have mums tell me stories from their previous births where the dads have not been ready at all.

The other day one woman told me she sent her partner out of the birthing suite because he was actually doing more harm than good. The woman has to focus on getting that baby out and if she’s worried about her husband that can induce stress hormones which are harmful.

My husband was there for my first birth and we’d done lots of ante natal classes together but he was as white as a sheet. It was such a waste of time him being there. If I had known he was going to be so unsupportive, I wouldn’t have had him in there.

When I had my second child I was on my own anyway and it was actually better. I felt stronger because I knew what to expect.

The couples I see who work so well together during birth are great, because they take the pressure off the midwife to offer that emotional support. I think because the dads come along to every class and they do the relaxation exercises and everything, they’re well equipped.

You have to be quite explicit with them — ‘When this happens, this is what you need to do’ — so they feel empowered and know they’re being useful.

The fear that women have of birth is experienced by men too, but they don’t necessarily talk about it. Get educated. Get rid of that fear and go to an ante natal class. They educate the couple on what to do when and really involve the Dad as an integral part of the birthing process. Most talk about pregnancy and birth is about the mum and there’s no mention of Dad. When they listen in on all this bad stuff, they’re freaking out before the birth arrives.

I don’t want to sound like I’m heading back to the stone ages where men weren’t allowed in the birth room, that’s ridiculous. And obviously everything is a personal choice and every couple is different. But people shouldn’t feel bad if they’re not together during the actual birth.”Originally published as Should your partner be there during childbirth?
 By telegraph