They told you it would be easy. They told you it was like buying bread. What they didn’t tell you, is you’d have 18 different colours and flavours, 5 different sizes to choose from and you’d have no idea why ribbed/non-ribbed is even an option. (Disclaimer: I’m writing all this for a mysterious friend. I know nothing.)
In terms of brands, I prefer Pasante over Durex; it provides equally good protection and quality, at about GHc2 cheaper per box (It adds up over time, trust). You’ll rarely find Trojan condoms around here; instead you’ll see tons of less-revered brands like Contempo (See Daily Graphic: Rough Rider, Bareback etc.), Kupenda, Cobra, Protector (the list goes on and on, really) and the surprisingly good Fiesta (I know, I know. More on this later.) So for your first consultation let’s look at my preferred brand: Pasante, and the condom types most readily available here.
In terms of brands, I prefer Pasante over Durex; it provides equally good protection and quality, at about GHc2 cheaper per box (It adds up over time, trust). You’ll rarely find Trojan condoms around here; instead you’ll see tons of less-revered brands like Contempo (See Daily Graphic: Rough Rider, Bareback etc.), Kupenda, Cobra, Protector (the list goes on and on, really) and the surprisingly good Fiesta (I know, I know. More on this later.) So for your first consultation let’s look at my preferred brand: Pasante, and the condom types most readily available here.
REGULAR
Your regular run of the mill condom. Averagely thick and lubed with no extra scents or smells it’s the best to pick when in doubt or if you’re unsure of your partner’s preferences. Can’t really go wrong with this.DOTTED
When the regular condom isn’t enough anymore, Dotted condoms come to the rescue. Dotted PASANTE condoms come in grey boxes and feature small bumps on the exterior that heighten the sensation for the laaaaadies. But beware! Some find that extra sensation confusing…..somehow.
FLAVOURED CONDOMS
Fizzy Cola & Bubblegum Burst
I’ve never been a huge fan of flavoured condoms. Designed for, but not exclusive to blowjobs, I have my reservations about wrapping my oh-so-precious penis in Bubblegum flavour and risking it in someone’s mouth, (Ghana girls. It’s gum. They WILL chew) but they’re not without their uses. These can be useful with people who have never given head and need a safe place to start, short of raw skin. Oh and the non-swallowers who can’t stand the taste of man juice (You should be ashamed)
L A R G E
Here’s a secret. It’s not actually that large! It’s an ingenious marketing trick manipulating the male ego. Ask a guy about his penis size and he’s bound to add an extra inch or two. Most guys want to believe their penis’ are larger than they actually are so they buy “Large” condoms to impress everyone including themselves. When they put them on and they actually fit, they come back and buy more! Genius. Here’s how it works; a regular condom is already longer than most penises so instead the large sizes are noticeably a bit wider to accommodate larger girths and not constrict as much but still fit comfortably on regular sized guys to make them believe they’re massive. If you actually have an extraordinarily large penis, invest in King Size condoms.
TRIM
Don’t worry. It’s okay. Not everyone can be Mr. Marcus. Some of us are mini me. Don’t cry. (No in fact, cry. It’s not fair). But never fear! The good people of Pasante did not forget about our dear brothers of the itty bitty committee. The small guys. The penile hobbits. The at-least-I’ve-got-a-big-heart (we hope) gang. But you know, be proud of your little guy.
SENSITIVE & NATURELLE
These are really useful when you want a more, well, natural feel. They’re pretty much as close as you’ll get with a condom to the feeling of unprotected sex. Sensitive is thinner and Naturelle is made from a softer blend of latex. Essential for 2nd, 3rd, even 6th rounds (for those of you with rechargeable robotic pelvises) and beyond.
Now you can point with confidence to your choice of condom and my job here is done. I know condoms are becoming less and less popular with a lot of us youngins but with all the scary shit going around let’s be not complete idiots and wrap up. See y’all same time next week. Post your Questions, contributions, suggestions etc. below. I sign off with the words of great American philosopher and freedom fighter, Dwayne Michael Carter Jr.
“better wear that latex, ’cause you don’t want that late text.
That I think I’m late text…..so wrap it up”
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